There is ADHD: The Joke and ADHD: The Real Thing. I’m sure you’ve heard people joke, “Oh, haha, I must have ADHD!” to publicly beat themselves up for a lapse in memory or mental execution. Most of the time, it’s a joke. Sometimes, the joke is actually the tip of the iceberg.

I am happy that ADHD is having a moment, so more people will consider if they have it. Especially the groups of people who have been underdiagnosed, like women and girls. Over 25 years in practice as a psychologist and Executive Function Coach, I have always held that ADHD is underdiagnosed. I also believe that ADHD is overdiagnosed, especially in young boys, and ESPECIALLY in young boys who are BIPOC (Black and Indigenous People of Color).

Another thing I hear nearly every week: “Everyone has ADHD.”

Sigh. No, everyone does not have ADHD. Everyone may be overwhelmed. Your life may demand more executive functioning than you have to give each day. But, no, ADHD is not a continuum. It is a serious matter and making it a party-joke puts people at risk.

What ‘The Real Thing’ Actually Looks Like

Listen to Alex Partridge, host of the podcast ADHD Chatter: “Somewhere along the way, ADHD became this cute little personality trait on the internet: ‘Oops, I forgot my keys. I bought another coffee and forgot it existed. Look at all my open tabs!’ And, yes, sometimes ADHD is forgetting your keys, but this is also a disorder associated with more than twice the odds of attempting suicide. It’s associated with addiction and substance misuse, and I think we need to talk about that ADHD too. The ADHD where you’re sitting on the floor at 2 o’clock in the afternoon because your brain has simply given up, where the dishes are piling up in the sink, and you desperately want to clean them. But starting somehow feels like going to war with yourself, where you lose three hours doing absolutely nothing and spend the next three hours hating yourself for it. Where you snap at the person you love most and then cry afterwards because you didn’t mean it. Where you forget something important again, and that horrible little voice comes back. Maybe everyone was right about me. Maybe I am lazy. Maybe I am selfish. Maybe there really is something wrong with me. That’s the part of ADHD we don’t put in the funny Tik Toks.”

If You’re Struggling Right Now

Before we proceed, I want to go back to the serious risks that Alex pointed out correlate with having ADHD:

If you or someone you care about is having suicidal thoughts right now, it is important that you reach out immediately to 911 or go to your nearest emergency room.

You can also text or call 988 by phone to get connected with a trained crisis counselor at a local or regional center. 988 is the nationwide Suicide & Crisis Lifeline in the United States where you can get free, confidential, 24/7 support for:

• Suicidal thoughts or behavior
• Any kind of emotional crisis (panic, overwhelming anxiety, intense distress)
• Concern about a loved one who may be at risk

At Main Line ADHD Clinic, we take suicidal thoughts, self‑harm, and the emotional pain that can come with living with ADHD very seriously. While research shows that people with ADHD are at higher risk for suicidal thoughts and behaviors, the risk is even higher when depression, anxiety, or substance use are also present. In our evaluations and coaching, we talk openly about these issues, with no judgment.

ADHD is treatable, and so are the conditions that often travel with it. With the right combination of supports, many people see their suicidal thoughts decrease, and their quality of life improve. If needed, we work with you to understand your unique risks and strengths, create a personalized safety plan, and coordinate care for co‑occurring conditions like depression and anxiety. Getting this kind of support starts with finding the right kind of help. Not all ADHD support looks the same.

What Makes This Different

Many ADHD coaches have narrow expertise in organizational skills and executive functioning. While they do great work, the intersection of mental health and executive dysfunction can present a more complex situation than they are trained to handle. I am a licensed psychologist with over two decades of clinical experience, along with expertise in Executive Function Coaching. Many times in my career, this combination of skills has served my clients’ needs.

That combination of clinical psychology and coaching expertise exists for exactly this moment, when you’re not sure if what you’re carrying is ADHD or something else, and you just want an honest answer. You need someone who can help you organize your planner and who can sit with you in the harder, messier parts.

If you’ve read this far, and if some of this post landed a little too close, then I will bet that “the joke” version of ADHD never quite fit what you’re actually living through. You don’t have to figure out on your own whether what you’re feeling is ADHD, something else, or both. Schedule a free Clarity Call and let’s talk it through together.